Take Thee to a Bunery

by Bernard Levy

    Now, don’t get me wrong. I like a healthy regiment as much as the next Joe. You know, organic foods, a solid game of full-court basketball two times a week, limited carb intake, protein and salads in excess and one jelly-filled donut every other day.

    I’m sure there is much value in the South Beach and other diets. You know the old saying: “A waist is a terrible thing to mind.” But, come on now. This healthy diet stuff has gotten out of hand.

    Commercial high-carb factories are going out of business. Interstate Bakeries Corporation, once number two in the baking game, filed for bankruptcy in 2004. Krispy Kreme, the benchmark of donut excellence, is losing sales and stock market value.

    Those doughy breads favored by the masses and stacked high in supermarkets are no longer universally coveted for the heavily-slathered peanut butter and jelly or bologna and cheese sandwiches.

    Health conscious parents and grandparents are opting for the specialty breads baked with whole grains, flax seed and other nutritious stuff.

    Where is all this emphasis leading? Economic ruin and loss of more jobs in our economy? Less overweight citizens and a healthier populace?

    This path could even penetrate the health industry—insurance companies, HMOs, drug companies and physicians. Yes, there is the possibility that a healthier citizenry will result in lower insurance premiums, HMO memberships, co-pays and drug and doctor costs.

    The savings “will be passed along to us.” Yeah, right! You’re smiling out loud. Now, you’re laughing. You don’t believe me?

    What’s that? I’m naïve? Consumer costs will not go down because health insurance providers will probably increase their prices?

    That’s downright un-American. Supply and demand and all that jazz. But, on second thought, you might be right.

    What’s that? Now you’re quoting Calvin Coolidge: “The business of America is business.”

    What happened to our focus, as the good ‘ol Declaration of Independence declares, in “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness”?

    If we translate this language into health advocacy terms, it could mean longer life, the liberty to actively pursue more interests and a life of happiness with fewer pills and less pain.

    You’re laughing again. That’s not nice, but you have a point. Insurance and drug and HMO company CEOs and doctors have a certain lifestyle they have to maintain. Golly, if they didn’t, they wouldn’t be able to get all those big tax deductions the politicos have generated to reduce taxes and grow greater budget deficits.

    What? I’m being too cynical? I’m going to cut that out right now. Get off that chair; log off your computer and get thee to a bunery – a bakery that specializes in those high-carb, soaked-with-fat products. Yup. Let’s buy American and do it in a big way. Fat-laden breads and croissants (made here, of course), sweet rolls smothered in icing, donuts featuring creams, jellies and goopy toppings and all those pies and cakes excelling in caloric value.

    Let’s raise the market value of Krispy Kreme and get Interstate Baking out of bankruptcy. Let’s save those jobs and concentrate on what makes America great: full-figured, happy people.

    One last word on corporate management. Many intelligent companies have recognized the need for their customers to eat in a more responsible way and have adapted to the times, mixing conventional fat-laden products with those dedicated to weight loss and healthy eating habits.

    I don’t feel sorry for Interstate and Krispy Kreme. They could have balanced their product lines, and now, Interstate acknowledges that it didn’t change with the times.

    On a more sensible level, America is also the country of invention, innovation and entrepreneurism. And for that reason, I have hope. Gosh, I love this country.

    Remember, “It ain’t over until the Fat Lady sings.”