Greetings from the Editor:

As we informed you in our last issue, this week's FCP would be abbreviated and devoted to humor. Since most of our staff are on vacation, we have limited our coverage to business, thought-provokers, pure humor and advice, introducing for the first time kitchen mavens Rosemary Green and Basil Browne in the Mediocre Housekeeper^TM. We're proud to bring you part of a transcript of their television food show series dedicated to helping older males find their way around the kitchen. Their advice also works for the very few women who need similar assistance. We felt that this is the thyme to bring Mediocre Housekeeper^TM readers some sage advice.

Charlie Tsence gives us pet advice on the use of doggie treats in training and the importance of human verbal contact with pets. These two subjects affect all pet owners.

We offer two "pure humor" articles, one by Jim Penn, "Have I got a Career For You," and the other by me, "The Man Who Talks Dog, Horse and Cat and the Dogs, Horses and Cats Who Ignore Him." Jim gets creative with career counseling, and I discuss my communications with animals.

We give you two Jim Penn business columns: Professor Von Rumproast in " 'The More Visible You Are, the More Money You Make' -Iris Fignuten," and, "The Truth, The Whole Truth And Nothing But The Truth." The former deals with executive compensation, the latter with the truthfulness of investment banking analysts.

This week's thought-provoker covers a Jim Penn encounter with Shallow Trachea, the cousin of Deep Throat. She illuminates some possible major developments in business opportunities.

Our features, government and politics, the hidden stories and commentary, will return in force next week.

Also, please read our Webmaster's explanation of the RSS feature following this greeting. Josh Powell and we have attempted to make the FCP as reader-friendly as possible.

In our next issue, we'll kick off our FCP Slam Dunk Campaign - holding our elected officials accountable to "No more gifts from lobbyists - not even a cup of coffee." Will it work? Although it's not a clear path to the basket, we'll give it our best shot.

Finally, we have a confession to make. Heidi Taskmaster has confessed that it may not be possible to clean a home in 45 minutes or less as she suggested in her first Mediocre Housekeeper^TM FCP contribution. But, both she and we have an explanation.

Heidi confessed to me a few days ago at a Starbucks that she only employed that gimmicked headline to gain our readers' attention. She rationalized that, if politicians and businesses can exaggerate their programs and achievements, why can't she? She emphatically stated, however, that she gave valid and sound advice on how to get your household cleaning chores done in as little time as possible, and we've found that, in a test run of her 45 minute agenda, we came darn close to cleaning in the allotted time. There's real value in her words.

I pointed out to Heidi that the FCP is "dedicate to searching for and publishing the truth, wherever it leads." Her response was swift and perhaps appropriate: her advice column was written in humorous form, and the readers will themselves discover the truths in her column. We will stick to more truthful title "grabbers" in the future, but confess, upon reflection, we can see her points.

Her exaggeration was a good example of what we've been fed these past six years (or is it really these past 50 or 60 years?) by politicians. And, although an elected official or legislative body may have the best of intentions to produce the proposed results, it rarely happens. Our current President Bush is a prime example of this method and attitude, although we can't blame him for past presidents' and Congress' actions. Of particular note is distinguishing between President Bush's many proclamations of how much money will be given to fund his "No Child Left Behind" program and the actual major underfunding of the program.

But, what the heck. Life goes on. In any event, we'll see you next week with hard-hitting political, government and business commentary. Have a great week!

Respectfully,

Bernard M. Levy and the Staff

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FEATURES IN THIS ISSUE

Pure Humor

Page 2 Yes, Indeed, Have I Got A Career For You! by Jim Penn. Hope springs eternal when you're looking for employment, and Jim Penn does his best as a career counselor.

Page 3 The Man Who Talks Dog, Horse and Cat and the Dogs, Horses and Cats Who Ignore Him, by Bernard Levy. Although Bernard Levy is no Dr. Doolittle, he does his best to understand the call of the wild and the bark, meow, whinny and neigh of the tamed.

Thought-Provoking

Page 7 Shallow Trachea's Inside Scoop on New Business Opportunities, by Jim Penn. Jim has another encounter in the bowels of a parking garage with Shallow Trachea, the cousin of Deep Throat, to hopefully get the inside, straight scoop.

Advice

Page 6 Pet Advice - Straight From The Horse's Mouth, by Charles "Horse" Tsence. Charlie's at it again, dispensing wisdom on treats for training and people-talk to pets.

Page 4 The Mediocre Housekeeper^TM - Thyme for Some Sage Advice with Rosemary and Basil, by Bernard Levy. The Mediocre Housekeeper^TM goes to a cooking show where Rosemary (Green) and Basil (Browne) decide it's thyme to give sage advice - an introduction to the kitchen for "older" men.

Business

Page 8 The Truth, The Whole Truth And Nothing But The Truth, by Jim Penn. Jim, a student again in Professor Von Rumproast's MBA class, learns the importance of telling the truth in business transactions.

Page 5 The More Visible You Are, The More Money You Make - Iris Fignuten, by Jim Penn. Another Professor Von Rumproast class where high-profile compensation levels are discussed. Which principle does your company - or your employer - use in setting compensation amounts?

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